To Begin...

At the start of this I guess I should introduce myself and the theme of this blog.

Well I'm Sue, I'm 28 and I suffer from Social Phobia.

Social Phobia is also known as Social Anxiety Disorder and for those of you who are not aware of what this is I'll paraphrase a description from Wikipedia.

"Social anxiety disorder also known as social anxiety or social phobia refers to excessive social anxiety (anxiety in social situations) causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some areas of daily life. The diagnosis can be of a specific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalised disorder. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, considerable difficulty can be encountered overcoming it.
Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating, trembling, palpitations, nausea, and stammering. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort."

In my case it is more of a generalised disorder although I find some situations much harder than others. I can't remember a time when I didn't suffer from this although it took me a long time to recognise what it was. I just knew I felt differently to other people. I do suffer from most of the physical symptoms at different times including panic attacks if I feel like I'm trapped in a social situation. I'm also asthmatic and the combination of the two can be quite unpleasant. When I'm having a bad time of it I don't want to leave the house and any form of communication is difficult even reading or replying to emails seems hard.

I'm able to work which some people with this disorder aren't, I went to uni and I've also managed to qualify as an accountant. I currently work as something akin to a projects/systems accountant and I'm much happier with my job when I have to work with systems rather than people. Sometimes it is not too bad when I can concentrate on what I'm doing and block out the fact that there are other people there. I have one direct report and I work in an open plan office with about 40 people in it and at times it can seem like a very claustrophobic place with everyone closing in on me.

I try to get involved in social events and not become a total hermit and sometimes I'm more successful than others. Mine is a lonely life, if you are scared of people and don't let them get close then there isn't really another option.

I think that is enough for now. I don't know how often I'll post to this blog it'll depend on how capable I am of communicating. Next time I will probably go into what inspired me to start this blog now.